Often we do sacrifice our wants and needs for an ulterior, superior motive. We selflessly give up our necessities to accommodate someone else’s plans. Mainly for a feel good factor. But it took me several years to realize that I was wrong all this while.
One important note to self should be, ‘Nobody can make you do things, unless you want to’. We have all encountered a manipulative person in our lives, how much power they have over us, is how much liberty we give that person. As simple as that. It could be a friend, a partner, spouse, sibling and in worse case a parent.
What happens when people walk all over you? You feel bad about the lack of respect, you get choked for being treated like that. You may feel that you sacrificed your preferences to accommodate theirs, and what do you get in return? Got snubbed, trampled upon, and treated badly. This could hurt a lot. But then again, you can change this pattern to feel better.
I feel whatever happens to me is because of my decisions. Yes – it took me a while for this to sink in. How am I responsible for someone else’s decision to treat me badly? For starters – why was I even around that person when it happened, and then I took it all? Sometimes we tolerate and take the high road, we choose peace and quite.
Yes, we all know what that feels like – to be invited to someones place and when they shamelessly corner you and put you on a spot at the drop of a hat, without having any consideration for how you feel & I totally empathize with this – because probably you don’t want to create a scene.
The best would be to give this relationship a slow death, IF it is someone you can avoid. For all you know this person does not respect you enough for that person is trying to manipulate and take advantage of you. You cannot go about changing the world, and still this behaviour has to stop. How can we fix this? Its easy – gradually try to avoid possible meetings, give an unavoidable reason which they can’t trick you out from.
If you did something because you were emotionally manipulated and dint enjoy it, then lived to tell the sob story to others – its high time this pattern ended. Today can be the beginning of a NEW YOU.
Be relentless. Do not give in!
Once you start standing up for yourself – you will like the new you. If it makes them feel powerful – well that’s a terrible illusion they live with. When someone is nasty towards you and treats you badly , you have two choices – let them know that their behavior hurt you and make a scene and leave, or if you don’t want to make things worse, then slowly cut off from the equation.
Remember – you don’t have to feel obligated because they served you a wonderful steak for lunch or spaghetti for dinner. What really counts is the nastiness, the toxicity. Give no room for manipulators in your life. This is a chance to heal – grab it with both arms wide open.
Love yourself enough, so that no one can trample you again. Its better to be alone, than to be in bad company.